Archive for Behavior

We Choose Virtues

April 8, 2013 Behavior, Review No comments

The We Choose Virtues program is designed to help parents (and other adults, teachers, friends, etc.) help their children to develop character and virtue. The curriculum works for ages 3 through 5th grade. I’m part of the Mosaics Review Team and received the following items for free from We Choose Virtues:

  • Virtue Flash Cards for Families
  • 1 sample Parenting Card
  • Teacher’s Handbook
  • Kids of Virtueville Coloring Pages
  • Butterfly Award
  • Memory Verses, Bible Heroes and Truths
  • Family  Character Assessment

This is a subset of the Homeschool Kit, which retails for $98.99.

My Thoughts

The virtue cards are simple and easy to understand. The parent card gives helpful advice and ways of approaching the topic and helping your child understand the various virtues. I especially liked the user challenge. I’m not in love with the illustrations on the cards, but my son liked them, and that’s what matters.

My son enjoyed reading the cards, though he’s fairly young. We talked about each of the cards and what they mean. The cards were positive and motivating (I am perseverant. I can do it even when it’s tough.), though I kind of ignored the negative aspect of the cards (I am NOT going to give up or complain and I don’t say “I can’t” or “it’s too hard”!). I prefer learning to be positive and avoid framing things in the negative.

We had fun talking about each virtue, using the cards like flash cards, and coloring the pictures that went along with each virtue. Overall, my son enjoyed this product. And I’m kind of a “loosey goosey” type person, so I didn’t create or do any formal program with the cards, and that’s partly what I liked about it. You can go as in-depth with it as you want or just use it as a supplement when you want to talk about a specific virtue with your child.

In general, this company (and its products) has a religious focus, which is great for any one who is Christian. However, they also sell “secular” versions of the products as well, so it can work for just about anyone who wants to teach virtues to their child.

If you want to try the We Choose Virtues program, you can use the following discount codes. Through the end of April, you can use “HOME20″ to get a 20% discount when you purchase the Homeschool Kit. You can also use the code “VIRTUE15″ to get a discount on any product they sell. This code has no expiration date.

Traveling is a Special Kind of Hell

November 3, 2012 Autism, Behavior, Daily Life No comments

Travel was invented by someone who wanted to torture people with kids. And people with special needs kids? We should just never travel. Ever.

Actually, the travel part of it isn’t so bad. Buki (who is four now) does really well on the airplane or in a car. No sweat. But once we get to our destination? That’s when it all begins.

Once we get where we’re going, he freaks out because everything is different. He cries to go back home, especially at night. I always feel so bad, because it’s clear that he’s distressed and feeling very out of sorts.

But there’s nothing we can do about it. We’re on a trip, and the flight home can’t be changed. So we listen to him cry to go back home, to drive in our car, to use his own car seat, to leave a cousin’s house, to leave grandma’s house, etc. We do our best to love and console him, but all he really wants is his familiar things and schedule again.

We spent all our nights at my sister’s house so that at least it became a little familiar by the end of the trip. My parents came to her house to visit one day, and my son immediately started crying and ran to our bedroom to hide. The low point of the entire trip was watching my son sobbing behind the air mattress because he was afraid to see his grandparents.

He warmed up eventually, but it took a while and several crying spells before he spontaneously got over it. And the icing on the cake? By the end of our trip, he was familiar enough with everything that he cried and cried because he didn’t want to come home.

So we get the tears and distress both going and coming. And all we can do is hope for the best and swear we’ll never go anywhere again (we always swear t, and it’s never true for long.)

I guess traveling is good for him? At least it helps him practice going outside his comfort zone. And once he’s settled in, he has an amazingly fun time with his cousins. So I guess the pain it causes his parents is worth it!

Sleep and Meltdowns

June 25, 2012 Behavior One comment

I’ve decided that sleep (or lack thereof) is a major component of Buki’s meltdowns. I’m sure that’s the case for most kids, but it’s especially true for him. And since he hasn’t really napped since he was 18 months, you can bet he gets overtired a lot.

Tonight was one of those times. We went to dinner at a friend’s house, and there were several other guests including a friend Buki’s age. He had a great time, shared with his friend, and even played Mario Kart for the first time!

But then fatigue set in. (I didn’t realize it, but it was 8pm.) And his little friend didn’t feel like sharing anymore, and this caused Buki to completely melt down. And he couldn’t stop the meltdown, even when his friend gave him the toy he wanted.

I realized it was time to leave, so I scooped Buki into my arms, said goodbye, and went out the door (prying my screaming son’s fingers off the door frame as I went). He screamed. Screamed! At the top of his lungs down the stairs of the apartment building. And then screamed as I carried him down the street to our car. He screamed and cried and tried to get away from me. Holding a 40-pound writhing child is not easy. And were I an observer of the scene, I would have assumed I was kidnapping a child!

It was terrible. I remembered again why I dislike leaving the house with my son (even though I feel guilty when we stay home all day). And then he was asleep in the car not five minutes later, sweet and innocent as ever.

He just needs his sleep, even if he doesn’t like it.

 

Our Son Had Asperger’s Syndrome…

June 4, 2012 Asperger's syndrome, Autism, Behavior, Evaluations No comments

And now, apparently, he doesn’t. We had the unofficial diagnosis from the school district for about 6 months before the developmental pediatrician told us he doesn’t meet the criteria. The school still uses the diagnosis as a basis for his services, but they have voiced their uncertainty to us as well. He’s three years old, so we don’t really know if any label will eventually stick.

Having the ASD diagnosis was scary and uncharted territory for us, but having the diagnosis taken away six months later makes the territory even less charted! Our son still presents with many of the signs of Asperger’s. He’s getting OT, sees a social worker, and will begin a speech group as soon as we can afford it. His behavior at home is troubling, frustrating, and we don’t know how to deal with it. We don’t even know if there is a “cause” for it – such as Asperger’s (or something else).

I know that labels don’t mean anything and that my son is complex (as every person is) and can’t be completely described by a single word like Asperger’s. But in some ways, labels do matter. Labels get you more services. And labels get you acceptance into a group. I don’t fully fit in with the “typical” moms; the issues we deal with are not the ones they deal with. But I kind of feel like we’re on the fringe of the ASD community – are we in that group? Do we need to be? Does it matter?

Who knows. All I know is that my son has struggles. And we are going to help him with those struggles however we can and for however long it takes because we love him and we know how much potential he has. And I guess that’s what really matters in the end.

 

Ho ho holidays

January 19, 2012 Asperger's syndrome, Autism, Behavior, SPD 4 comments

I know that Christmas is long over. Believe me, I know it’s already 19 days into the new year. But my family has been sick since about December 15th and we’re still feeling low (flu, colds, AND bronchitis), so I’m pretty behind. Heck, I don’t even know why I’m posting right now. I should be sleeping (and hacking up a lung).

But I wanted to write a couple of things about the holidays before I forget. Every year, my husband and I fly with our son to visit family. My husband’s parents live in Arizona, and mine live in Nevada. We somehow manage to spend time in both places. Every year, I swear it will be our last. This year, it really may have been the last.

Our boy (who is currently three) has Asperger’s Syndrome. Sometimes I feel almost guilty reading other autism blogs, because they seem to have it so much harder than we do. Yes, he has his meltdowns, and yes, once we’ve done something once, that means we will do it that way until the end of time. Yes, he has some quirks that make him special (and sometimes difficult to parent).  But on the whole, he is a good boy. We feel very blessed.

But. Then this Christmas happened. And I saw just how difficult things can be with my little boy. I suddenly realized that we can’t compare our lives to other people, because sometimes things are “easy,” and sometimes things explode in your face.

The night we arrived in Arizona at my sister’s house, my son cried when we took him upstairs to bed. Actually, he sobbed. “I want to go home. Let’s go get in the car and go home.” We faced about an hour of his meltdown before he fell asleep, exhausted. He did the same thing the next night. We had been planning to spend a few nights with my husband’s parents as well, but we quickly realized we should stick with one house and stay there at night.

Arizona was the easiest part of the trip. Once we got to Nevada and Buki’s cousins arrived, things got bad. Buki couldn’t handle sharing toys with his cousins. Every few minutes, he broke down in a meltdown and we had to take him back to our room where he would cry it out. After a particularly bad morning of him crying pretty much the whole morning, I had a brilliant idea – We get away from the family for a while and go to the park!

My parents live right next to a playground, so my husband and I took Buki to the park. I berated myself that we should have done this earlier. Until we got to the park and there were other kids there. And Buki got in shouting matches and had meltdowns right there at the park!

At that moment I pretty much lost it. We couldn’t stay at my parents’ house without him melting down, and we couldn’t even get away without him melting down. I felt so trapped, lost, helpless, and angry. And I felt sad for my son, who was clearly having a hard time and not enjoying himself at all.

I suddenly wondered: could we ever attend family events like this again? Will my son make it impossible to attend social functions? Will therapy help him with things like this? I cried, and fleetingly wished that he could be “normal,” and that we didn’t have to deal with situations like this. I desperately love my son, but I had reached my parenting limit that day.

The rest of the trip got better. My dad, bless his heart, called my son over to him whenever he started to melt down, and distracted him or took him elsewhere. He didn’t lecture my son about sharing toys or getting along with the other kids. He simply helped him stop melting down.

And then the cousins left with their families, and Buki was left with just his grandparents again, and he did fine. It’s just when other kids are around that he melts down. We survived this trip, but only barely. I’m not sure if and when we can do it again.

But this trip gave me the realization that we are squarely in the middle of Asperger’s Syndrome, and we can’t pretend otherwise. Time to start looking for therapists and moving forward. Onward. Upward.

Just Call Me Superman

December 3, 2011 Autism, Behavior, SPD 4 comments

We are finally seeing some of our son’s passions. He has been a fan of superheros for a while now, and most recently fell in love with Superman. I don’t know how – we don’t watch anything Superman-ish or talk about him at all at home. But somehow, he managed to find out about it.

He tells us he wants Superman for Christmas. That’s all he wants. I asked him the other day what we should get Daddy for Christmas. He didn’t have to think long, “How about Superman?”

This evening we went to a Christmas celebration and saw someone doing face painting. I wasn’t sure if he would want to do it. “Look, Buki! She’s painting a butterfly on that girl’s cheek.”

He replied, “And she’s going to paint a Superman on my cheek.” So that’s exactly what she did.

Kind of. Buki didn’t connect it with Superman, but he still liked the ‘S’ on his cheek. :) I was just happy that he articulated what he wanted and actually sat still while a stranger painted on his face. Amazing!

Moving to Chicago

August 30, 2011 Behavior, School System One comment

We recently moved from Georgia to the Chicago area. We actually moved three weeks ago, so we’re still in the middle of boxes, packing material, putting things away, and learning all we need to know in our new area.

We love it so far, but it has been hard on all of us, and most especially on our little boy. He’s three, so I don’t know how much he understands. What made the move a little easier is that his Gram came with us during the drive and stayed a couple of weeks with us. Buki had such a good time with Gram that he didn’t seem to notice that everything around him had changed completely.

But now that she’s gone home and we’re settling in a little more, he is having a harder time. The hardest part is that he is so desperate for friends. He loves being with other kids, and we simply don’t know that many people here yet. If he hears kids outside playing, he runs to the door and wants to go out. It’s cute, and also a little heartbreaking. I want him to have friends!

We’re also late getting on the ball with the school system here.  We didn’t have the internet for two weeks (two weeks!), and that hindered us. But we’d like to get him tested through the school system and see what happens from there.

Trichotillomania, anyone?

April 8, 2011 Autism, Behavior 2 comments

This is my sweet little boy with a hat on because we’re trying to keep him from twirling his hair and making the bald spot on his head get even worse. From almost the moment he was born, he loved to pull hair. He pulled and pulled on mine while eating or trying to sleep, and I let him. I could tell it was his soothing method, and so I let him.

Then he started using it in social situations where he felt uncomfortable. I would do my hair nicely for once, and he would ruin it  as soon as we got out among people – he would pull and pull on my hair to comfort himself.

Then his hair got long enough that he could pull his own hair. We thought nothing of it. But it got bad at around age 2 when he started twisting his finger around in his hair and “twirling,” as we call it. That’s when he started getting a bald spot on the crown of his head.

The bald spot keeps growing and growing, and I feel like a worse and worse parent. If I make him stop, how will he comfort himself? And if I don’t make him stop, his hair will look terrible and he may not outgrow it when he gets older. He has a seven-year-old cousin who has the same problem. He’s old enough to know better, but he just can’t stop doing it.

That’s where trichotillomania comes in. That’s the diagnosis his cousin has, and I wonder if that’s the direction we’re going. Even if I wanted to stop my little boy from pulling on his own hair (I do, actually), I don’t know how to make it happen. He won’t wear a hat 24-7. And he usually does the hair twirling when I’m not looking or able to stop him – in the car seat, in bed at night, while watching tv (and I’m making dinner or something).

It’s a tough situation. I feel so sad every time I see the bald spot on his head. He has such beautiful hair, but we’re probably going to buzz it off and see if that helps. Anyone else out there face this situation? How do you cope with it?